The Elf in the Alder-part one

I was seated in my garden enjoying a book when a large black bird came crashing into an alder on the wooded bank behind me. When I looked again, the bird was gone but now there was a tiny bearded man clinging to the topmost branch. "Who are you?" I called up. "But you can't see me!" he yelled. "But I can see you." "That is not helpful!" he cried. "The spell is failing!" "Come down immediately," I said. "I can't! Heights paralyze me!" "An odd place to be for one so afflicted." "You great hulking fool!" he sputtered. "I am not here by my own design! Please help me down." "Oh very well. Just give me a moment to find my ladder." "Please hurry," he whimpered. "Sorry for calling you a fool!" --- Once I had the little man out of the alder and seated on my counter drinking tea and brandy from a thimble, he told me everything. "My name is Blue Wednesday and until recently I was a prisoner of the Malificent Gruzzela!" "Who might she be?" I asked. "More later," he assured me. "Why did she take you prisoner?" "I'll get to that." "But how-" "Look, friend, why not let me tell my story my way?" "Sorry, sorry..." I apologized. It was difficult for me to work as a journalist for the Times and not immediately fall into the role of Inquisitor. I am always rushing raconteurs to the point, urging them to cut to the chase. Impatience is one of my character flaws. "Where was I? Oh yes, a prisoner of the cruelest witch ever to curse mankind. Why, you may ask, did she take me prisoner?" "I did ask," I murmured gently. "You see before you the scion of the House of Nod, prince of my people. The witch was holding me hostage against the yielding up of the Silver Wand." Here he gave me a sharp look, no doubt to arrest any questions concerning the said Wand. "The Wand is all she lacks," he continued. "Her power is already beyond that of all other workers of magic, fair or foul. It was vital for my father not to give into her, even though it would mean sealing my doom." "But you escaped," I said, nudging his story ahead a tiny bit. "Ah, I befriended a mouse who lived in the wall near my cage. I persuaded him to bring me a page out of a spell-book that I'd seen in her library. It was a spell for transforming oneself into an invisible crow. Unfortunately, Reggie rather mangled the spell in bringing the page to me. I found that I could turn into a bird but my motor controls for flying were not very predictable." "And that's how you found yourself in my alder?" He bowed to me. "Precisely! The spell had a rather short shelf life. And now we must put our heads together and plan our next move." "Our next move?" I protested. "Surely you mean, your next move?" "What? After hearing my story, you are untouched by my plight? Do you not see that your own future, indeed the future of all who live on this green globe are affected by this dread witch? To do nothing to help me would be criminal!" "Until this morning, I'd never even heard of this Gruzzela!" I complained. "How do you imagine that I can do anything to help you, save rescuing you from my tree?" "But, my dear friend, there are no coincidences! It was fated that you should rescue me and join our struggle against the forces of evil!" "Please, little man, I cannot indulge this grandiose notion of yours. Now finish your tea and be on your way." The little man shook his head sadly and hopped to the floor. He left without saying another word. I watched him disappear into the woods directly behind me. I went back to my garden to enjoy the summer sun dancing on my begonias, to smell the fragrance of honeysuckle and try to forget the wild story that the elf had told me. I picked up my Agatha Christie and soon lost myself in the plot. It had to be the parson; he was the only one who I didn't seem to have a motive. I heard St. Martin's bell sounding three and I went inside to make myself a cucumber sandwich and a pot of tea. I was inspired by the smell of fresh strawberries so I tossed a few into a bowl and covered them with fresh cream. "What a pig you are!" I said to myself with a broad smile on my face. I went outside to note with displeasure that the sun had gone behind a rather dark cloud. Rain! I thought, as I scurried to bring everything inside. I heard a rumble of thunder and I swore as I slopped tea onto my sandwich. Where was my perfect afternoon going? And what was that shrieking that I heard over the wind? Shivering, I slammed the door shut and tried to go back to my ruined tea. The storm seemed to gain in power with each passing minute. I looked out the window; the trees were thrashing back and forth under a violent wind, leaves were scattering everywhere. I switched on the radio to see if I could get a weather report for this most sudden storm. I could get absolutely no signal which distressed me. What was going on? I turned on the television set and again, nothing. It was most irregular. I picked up the phone and there was not even a hint of a connection. It was like I was isolated on a desert island. I wondered if my neighbour, the Major, was likewise cut off. I tried to open my door but the wind was so strong that I couldn't open it even a crack. I began to sweat. Who ever heard of a hurricane in England? I decided that I would be marginally safer downstairs in my little wine cellar. I confess that I opened some port for my nerves while I sat in the dim light and tried to remember my childhood prayers. "Praying?" said a thin voice from the dark. "And so you may, so you may..." "Who are you?" I asked, my voice even thinner, almost a squeak. I could not see anyone in the gloom. "I'm a friend of the elf Wednesday. He told me to come to you and pass on this message." A tiny note was handed to me by what I now could see was a dark rodent of some sort. I opened the thrice-folded note and read the following: Still think it's none of your concern? This storm is Gruzzela clearing her throat; it will only get worse for you! Join us!! Mole can take you safely to headquarters. Blue Wednesday I turned to the mole. "The elf says you can take me to his headquarters." "That I can, mate. I tunneled into your cellar from the North Branch of the Great Tunnel. If you have a shovel, you can access the G.T. with just a bit of elbow grease." I went to get a spade and together we widened his tunnel so that I could travel through it. I will say nothing of the Great Tunnel except that if gardeners knew what moles were really capable of, they would all turn in their rakes and hoes and surrender their gardens en masse. Moles have rather let us off gently. Don't let those furry, funny little faces fool you. We traversed the Great Tunnel for several hours until the mole turned to me and indicated a slowly sloping branch. "That's your way, mate! Good luck!" "Thanks very much Mr...?" "Oh, we moles don't have names as such. We don't hold with such anthropomorphic muck. Mr. Mole is sufficient for me." "Thank you Mr. uh...Mole." "Just deal with the witch, mate. That's thanks enough for me!" I went up the sloping branch and come to a round green door. I rapped on it and hearing nothing, opened it slowly. I looked around a well lit room with maps on every wall and a plethora of beakers, burners and test tubes in the sink. Water was still running. I spied a note on the table. She's onto us. Getting out while the getting is good! Will send someone to find you. Avoid open areas. B.W. What was I to do? Should I go back into the tunnel? Clearly, the headquarters was no safe place for me. I reluctantly headed back into the tunnel but then stopped. If the witch had figured out the location of the headquarters surely she would soon be onto the Great Tunnel as well? I was paralyzed with fear. I heard a racket at the front door of headquarters. That decided me, I lunged for the back door to the tunnel when a searing flash of flame flew past me and reduced the door to a pile of smoking bits. I turned around and saw a tall woman with blue black hair and flaming eyes standing there with fire leaping from her outstretched palms. "Fancy another?" she sneered. I shook my head no, and shivered. "I thought not. Right! Where are the Elves and my Wand?" "I just arrived," I said. "There was nobody here." "Zut! I am beginning to lose patience with this rebellion!" Her face turned an exceedingly unpleasant shade of red and I could see her palms flare up again. I fell to my knees expecting a bolt of fire with my name on it. "Mercy!" I cried. "Mercy?" she said. "What does that mean?" "Um, you know, mercy? As in, have mercy?" "What? What are you blubbering about?" I could see that mercy was a wholly unknown quality to Gruzzela so I stopped blubbering immediately. "Right! You will take me to this elf prince!" "But I don't know where he is!" I moaned. "Do I have to do everything?" she bellowed. "I'll do anything I can to help you! " I cried, hoping to avoid being flambéed. "That's more like it!" she said, her palms returning to a low blue flame. "Now tell me all you know." This did not take long but I threw in a few lies (journalistic licence) to keep her from poaching me. I told her that Blue Wednesday was aware that she knew of his headquarters so he went over the Sea to Elvish Island and the courts of his father. This was, of course, a bit of balderdash, but I had to buy some time to think. "You will sail with me to this Island," she said. "Come, we will ride in my chariot!" Her chariot was a large copper coloured affair pulled by a silvery dragon. As soon as we entered it, she cracked a large whip and cried: "Over the sea, Draco! With all speed!" I cried out directions as we set out for a wholly imaginary island. What she would do to me once she uncovered my ruse I didn't like to think. I decided to find out what was going on. Once a journalist... "I am told that there is no one as powerful as you," I began. Flattery is never a bad way to go when talking with the rich and powerful, I have found. "I am the 'ne plus ultra'!" she said proudly. "Once I have my wand back, there will be no stopping me. "Your wand? But how did the Elves come by it?" "They are filthy thieves!" she shrieked. "It was always to have been mine!" Her voice had the tone that I had heard politicians use when trying to justify something that they should properly be ashamed of, like awarding a government contract to a relative. "How do you mean?" I asked respectfully. "I was the heir of Sir Wroth! I had the keys! I was the Immaculate Thorn! The Wand was rightfully mine!" "I don't understand anything you just said," I said carefully. "That's because you are a mere human! What can you know of the Real World?" "Perhaps, one so wise as you can explain it?" I said. "Wroth made the Wand when he was at the apex of his powers. He concentrated all that he knew or suspected of magic into it. The one who wields it is beyond any other power. I was his heir, holder of the keys to his tower. I was named Immaculate Thorn and I was charged with carrying out his Cleansing Campaign." "Um, Cleansing Campaign?" "The Real World was no longer to be divided between the Children of Severity and the Children of Laxity; the True Worshippers would ascend on high while those who turned from ruthless devotion would be purged! Ha! And I was to be the one who would cast out those limp, soft hearted, brainless ones..." Here, her face became so grim that I could not look on it anymore, but shivered in fear. "You are a True Worshipper?" I said presently. "I, alone." she said glaring at me. Of course, I wanted to ask her who she worshipped, but I held my tongue. She was becoming agitated and an agitated fanatic is not good for the health. Her eyes were red with blood. "Fear not, mortal. Know that soon I shall wreak such vengeance on those Elves that they will never rise again. The Children of Laxity will wail and gnash their teeth! Ha!" "But how did the ...eh Children of Laxity come by your wand?" "When Wroth was on his deathbed and I was trying to nurse him back to health, the elves stole it from the Tower." "And now they wield it against you?" "Oh no, they would not dare do such a thing; they know that only a True Worshipper may use the thing. Elves are not made of stern stuff." We soared over the grey sea and in the distance I could make out a grey island shrouded in mist. It was right where I had indicated that it would be, which I found rather strange. How did I know that an island would be there? "That's the island," I called, thinking that when we landed, I could escape somehow. I will confess to being terrible at thinking on the fly. Those who play chess against me know that I take forever to make a move. I am always considering my steps carefully. But what could I do? We swooped down and came to a crunching halt on a sandy beach. "This is Elvish Island?" asked Gruzzela. "It does not reek of Elvish ways or Elvish blood." "Oh yes," I squeaked. "...Um...no doubt they have clouded their scent to escape detection." Would she buy it? Her face was difficult for me to read even if I dared to look into her terrifying eyes. I got by with tiny glances. "Guard the chariot with Draco while I reconnoitre," she said briskly. "I will get to the bottom of this!" I watched her disappear down the beach and heaved a huge sigh of relief. I looked at the dragon and was surprised to see it peering intently at me, and then a ghost of a smile stole over his scaly face. "What are you going to do when she doesn't find any sign of the elves?" said the dragon. "Pardon me?" I said, gaping a bit. "You heard me. If this is Elvish Island, I'm Robin Red-breast." "How do you know?" I gasped. "Because I happen to know that there is no such place as Elvish Island." "But you followed my directions here!" "Well, it would not do for me to tell Gruzzela that we were on a wild goose chase." "Why ever not?" I asked. "Because I am in league with the Children of Laxity, although we call ourselves the 'Children of Light'. I keep an eye on the Witch so that the elves are protected," said the dragon. "Let's escape then! Let's fly away and join them!" "I can't do that, little human. My job is to pass on intelligence from the enemy camp. If I flee with you, the Witch will know me for a traitor and I will cease to be useful. But, never fear, the elves know exactly where you are." "Will they be able to rescue me?" "That remains to be seen," said the dragon calmly. "You will need your wits about you when she comes back." "I don't know what to do!" I snapped. "Can't I just run off?" "Where would you run to?" asked the dragon sagely. "You're on an island in the middle of nowhere. If you run off, she will know your true colours." "I am doomed," I said hollowly. "Nonsense, we are, all of us, in the hands of God. Don't be afraid, frail one." "I wouldn't have thought that dragons were devout," I said bitterly. "Amazing how much you don't know, when you think about it," said the dragon calmly. "Hush now, I hear her coming. You better have a good explanation!" I heard her before I saw her. She was shouting out all sorts of oaths and I knew that I was doomed. "Here, take this," hissed the dragon. "It will lead the elves to you." He handed me a small silver necklace with a tooth on it. I quickly threw it over my neck and braced myself. She came thundering up the beach and called out, "I have found their lair. Come quickly and we will ambush them!" "Well, that's a bit of luck," hissed the dragon to me. "But how in hell..." I said. "Hurry," shrieked the Witch and so we hurried. It was hard to match her pace as she hurtled through the forest, following a trail marked out with smooth white stones. I stumbled along, trying to understand what was happening to me, like a man trying to break out of a dark dream. At length, she turned around and beckoned to me. "Here, we must be very still. The Elves are directly ahead in the clearing ahead of us. I will cast a Net Spell but it may not be effective over so great a company so be prepared to seize any who may escape," she whispered. Ahead, I could see about a hundred small men massed around a fire. They seemed to be focused on one of their number who was reading from a large red book. Gruzzela lifted her hands on high and started to cry out her spell when suddenly all of the Elves in the clearing disappeared. "It's a cheat!" yelled Gruzzela. "A holograph!" We entered the clearing to see that it was completely empty. My head was spinning. Just then a blazing light sprang up out of the place that the fire had been. I screamed like a little girl, completely blinded and I felt strong hands gather me up and pull me away and then all was blurry. -------------------